stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
