I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
