I'm drive I can fine osifer
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
