Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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