Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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