And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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