The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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