you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
