apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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