oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
