Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize