just come out here and I will go home with you...
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
