Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
