the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
