also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
