Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
