Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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