nut hugger
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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