I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We're too hungover to prance.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
