Pants 0. Shit 1.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
