I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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