my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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