I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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