So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Randomize
