He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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