I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
