I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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