So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
