3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
