why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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