Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
