Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I pour the whiskey from now on
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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