Pappa wants mamma naked
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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