I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
