I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
