im drinking this country out of the recession.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
