I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I want to walk on stilts...naked
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
