i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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