Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
