Rock
Scissors
Fuck
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
