Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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