I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
