when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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