my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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