i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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