He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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