Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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