try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
