I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
