Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
