piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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