Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
