I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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