She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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