That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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