would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
