Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
