i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize