She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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