I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
