yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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