I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
