Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
