I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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