well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
