You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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