Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
now i know why i became what i already was.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
