you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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