Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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